Exercises in Style Page 5
take no rin
until from far
until from finn
from the bus S
from the bussin
you too your eyes
should chance to spin
on that André
whose neck’s too thin
& his hatuss
& his hatin
& his buttuss
& his buttin
in th ’yomnibus
in th ’yomnibin
th ’yomnibus S
th ’yomnibussin.
Permutations by groups
of 2, 3, 4 and 5 letters
Ed on to ay rd wa id sm yo da he nt ar re at pl rm fo an of us sb aw is ou ay ma ng ho nw ne se wa ck oo st ng lo dw an wa ho ea sw ng ri at ah th wi la ap ro it dt un sa he me.
Den sud est lyh edt art ran oha his gue ghb nei cla our ngt imi hew hat urp asp lyt ose din rea his gon sev toe tim ery yon ean tin ego ut oro.
Verh howe idly erap done aban disc dthe onan ussi eada dmad rava shfo seat cant.
Oursl afewh sawhi ateri ninfr magai thega ontof ntlaz resai gross areen conve edina onwit rsati endwh hafri ellin owast ogett ghimt butto hetop sover nofhi aised coatr.
Permutations by groups
of 5, 6, 7 and 8 letters
Ytowa oneda ddayo rdsmi earpl nther mofan atfor saway sbusi anwho oungm kwast senec gandw oolon weari howas twith ngaha tedco aplai ndit rdrou. Lyhest sudden oharan artedt neighb guehis imingt ourcla urpose hathep onhist lytrod rytime oeseve gotino anyone rout. Herapid however onedthe lyaband ionandm discuss htoward adeadas tseat savacan.
Slater is a few hour in in fron aw him aga resaintl tof the ga rossed in azareeng ation wit a convers who was te ha friend to get the lling him nof his ov top butto ised ercoatra.
Permutations by groups
of 9, 10, 11 and 12
letters
Ards midda one day tow r platform yon the rea saw a young of an S bus I eck was too man whosen o was weari long and wh ha plaited nga hat wit it cord round. Started toh suddenly he neighbourc arangue his the purpose laiming tha stoes every ly trod on hi got in or out time anyone. Pidly abando however he ra ssion and mad ned the discu acant seat ea dash for av.
Er I saw him aga a few hours lat he gare Saintl in in front oft edina convers azare engross iend who waste ation with afr tthe top button lling him toge at raised a bit nof his overco.
Permutations by groups
of 1, 2, 3 and 4 words
Day one midday towards the on platform rear an of bus S saw I young a whose man was neck long too who and wearing was hat a a with cord plaited it round. Started to suddenly he neighbour claiming harangue his purposely trod that he toes every on his got in time anyone or out. Abandoned the discussion however he rapidly dash for a and made a vacant seat.
I saw him again a few hours later gare Saint-Lazare engrossed in front of the a friend who was in a conversation with the top button of telling him to get his overcoat raised somewhat.
ellenisms
In a hyperomnibus full of petrolonauts in a chronia of metarush I was a martyr to this microrama; a more than icosimetric hypotype, with a petasus pericycled by a caloplegma and a eucylindrical macrotrachea, anathematized an ephemeral and anonymous outis who, he pseudologed, had been epitreading his bipods, but as soon as he euryscoped a coenotopia he peristrophed and catapelted himself on to it.
At a hysteretic chronia I aesthesised him in front of the siderodromous hagiolazaric stathma; peripating with a compsanthropos who was symbouleuting him about the metakinetics of a sphincterous omphale.
eactionary
Naturally the bus was pretty well full and the conductor was surly. You will find the cause of these things in the 8-hour day and the nationalisation schemes. And then the French lack organisation and a sense of their civic duties otherwise it wouldn’t be necessary to distribute numbered tickets to keep some semblance of order among the people waiting to get on the bus—order is the word all right! That day there were at least ten of us waiting in the blazing sun, and when the bus did arrive there was only room for two, and I was the sixth. Luckily I said “On Government business” and showed a card with my photo and a tricolour band across it—that always impresses conductors—and I got on. Naturally I have nothing to do with the unspeakable republican government but all the same I wasn’t going to miss an important business luncheon for a vulgar question of numbers. On the platform we were packed together like sardines. Such disgusting promiscuity always causes me acute suffering. The only possible compensation is the occasional charming contact with the quivering hindquarters of a dainty little midinette. Ah youth, youth! But one shouldn’t let oneself get excited. That time I was surrounded entirely by men, one of whom was a sort of teddy boy whose neck was of inordinate length and who was wearing a felt hat with a kind of plait round it instead of a ribbon. They ought to send all creatures of that sort off to labour camps. To repair the war damage. That caused by the anglo-saxons, especially. In my day we were Young Royalists, not Rock ’n Rollers. At any rate this young object suddenly makes so bold as to start abusing an ex-service man, a real one, from the 1914 war. And he doesn’t even answer back! When you see such things you realise that the Treaty of Versailles was madness. As for the lout, he threw himself on to a vacant seat instead of leaving it to the mother of a family. What times we live in!
Anyway, I saw the pretentious young puppy again, two hours later, in front of the Cour de Rome. He was in the company of another jackanapes of the same kidney, who was giving him some advice about his get-up. The two of them were wandering aimlessly up and down, instead of going off to break the windows at the communist headquarters and burn a few books. Poor France!
aiku
Summer S long neck
plait hat toes abuse retreat
station button friend
ree verse
the bus
full
the heart
empty
the neck
long
the ribbon
plaited
the feet
flat
flat and flattened
the place
vacant
and the unexpected meeting near the station with its thousand extinguished lights
of that heart, of that neck, of that ribbon, of those feet,
of that vacant place,
and of that button.
eminine
Lot of clots! Today round about midday (goodness it was hot, just as well I’d put odorono under my arms otherwise my little cretonne summer dress that my little dressmaker who makes things specially cheaply for me made for me would have had it) near the Pare Monceau (it’s nicer than the Luxembourg where I send my son, the idea of getting alopecia at his age) the bus came, it was full, but I made eyes at the conductor and got in. Naturally all the idiots who’d got numbered tickets made a fuss, but the bus had got going. With me in it. It couldn’t have been fuller. I was terribly squashed, and not one of the men who had a seat inside dreamed of offering it to me. Ill-mannered lot! There was a man beside me who was quite smart (it’s the latest thing, a plait round a felt hat instead of a ribbon, I’m sure Adam must have written up this new fashion), unfortunately his neck was too long for my liking. Some of my friends claim that if one part of a man’s body is bigger than the average (for instance a nose that’s too big) it’s a sign of marked capacities in another direction. But I don’t believe a word of it. In any case, this gentlemanly creature seemed to have the permanent fidgets and I was wondering what he was waiting for and when he was going to say something to me or extend an exploratory hand. He must be shy, I was thinking. I wasn’t so wrong at that. Because all of a sudden he started to pick on another man who looked horrible anyway and who was purposely treading on his toes. If I’d been that young man I’d have punched him on the nose but instead he quickly went and sat down the moment he saw a vacant seat and what’s more it didn’t occur to him for a single moment to offer it to me. The things
that happen in the country of Gallantry!
A bit later, as I was passing the gare Saint-Lazare (this time I had a seat) I caught sight of him arguing with a friend (quite a nice looking boy I must say) about the cut of his coat (extraordinary idea to wear an overcoat on such a hot day but it does make you look correctly dressed of course). I looked at him but the idiot didn’t even recognise me.
allicisms *
One zhour about meedee I pree the ohtobyusse and I vee a zhern omm with a daymoorzuray neck and a shappoh with a sorrt of plaited galorng. Suddenly this zhern omm durvya loofock and praytongs that an onnate moossyur is marshing on his pyaises. Then he jetéed himself on to a leebr plahss.
Two hours tarder I saw lur angcore; he was se balarding de lorngue ang larzhe in front of the gare Saint-Lazare. A dahndy was donning him some cornsayes à propos of a button.
* Replacing Anglicismes
rosthesis
Bone aday gabout mmidday, con dthe drear splatform jof va kbus, snot vfar ffrom Sparc Omonceau, Oi znoticed ta wyoung gman twhose gneck twas ztoo plong hand awho hwas sexhibiting ga shat kwith va splaited acord xinstead yof va cribbon cround pit. Xsuddenly che tstarted tto mharangue this nneighbour, vclaiming pthat she fpurposely strod Ion this xtoes yevery ktime many spassengers fgot sin for tout. Showever hhe crapidly babandoned dthe kdiscussion cand ythrew phimself qupon na dvacant tseat.
Na ffew hhours slater Oi esaw rhim pagain fin ifront kof uthe agare Esaint-Blazare dengrossed bin sconversation qwith ga pfriend ewho owas ggiving rhim tsome madvice zabout tan novercoat bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbutton.
penthesis
Once dazy abogut mildday own thye repar platforum oaf ann S bugs I swaw a yoqung mean whorse necok wars toto lonig aind whoo wafs wetaring a hart wipth a planited chord instelad omf a ribobon rogund ist. Alol off a spudden hoe stairted tao haranogue hiss neighybour, claimping thast hue puruposely throd okn hims tomes evoery toime anny pascsengers grot inn oar oust. Howzever hoe rampidly abdandoned thee discussipon anod thorew himshelf upokn a vacrant sheat.
A flew houris lafter I spaw hirm agrain ian frognt orf thue garge Satint-Labzare enigrossed ion converosation wirth a foriend woho wars tellying hism two gert tyhe tolp bustton off hirs overycoat ragised a littttttttttttttttttttttttttttle.
aragoge
Oner dayt abouth middayt ona thed reary platforma off an 84 cm. bust If perceiveda ar youngk manx whoser necko wash tool longr anda whor wash wearingx ar hate withy an plaitedm corda insteady oft ah ribbone roundr itv. Suddenlyk her startedd top haranguer hist neighboury, claimingk thath her purposelya troda ona hisa toest everyl timeo anyx passengerss goth inn orr outh. Howevery hem rapidlyb abandonedo theo discussionm andy threwm himselft uponx at vacantz seate.
Ak fewd hourse laterl If sawn himp againo ink fronth oft them garej Sainte-Lazaret engrosseda ina conversationa witha ay friendy whor wash tellingk himn top getj them topt buttonx off hiss overcoatl raisedddddddddddddddddddddd.
arts of speech
ARTICLES: the, a, an.
SUBSTANTIVES: day, midday, platform, S, bus, Pare, Monceau, man, neck, hat, cord, ribbon, neighbour, toes, time, passenger, argument, seat, hours, front, gare, Saint, Lazare, conversation, friend, opening, overcoat, tailor, button, little.
ADJECTIVES: aforesaid, back, competent, encircled, engrossed, every, free, long, one, plaited, some.
VERBS: to notice, to wear, to start, to interpellate, to claim, to tread, to get, to abandon, to go, to throw, to see, to tell, to reduce, to get, to raise.
PRONOUNS: I, he, his, him, himself, who.
ADVERBS: near, very, instead, suddenly, purposely, in, out, quickly, later, again.
PREPOSITIONS: about, on, of, with, by, down, in.
CONJUNCTIONS: that, or, but, and.
etathesis
Noe dya aobut dimday on teh rera platform of a sub, I toniced a nam whoes cenk saw oto glon nad whoes aht ahd a rost of strnig orund it. Dudsenly he cmailed hatt shi beighnour saw purspoely deatring on shi otes. Tub he adoived teh ueiss by wrothing shimelg on to a cavant teas.
Wot shour taler I was hmi anaig in tronf of teh rage Satin-Razale thiw an invididual woh saw gingiv hmi mose avdice atbou a nubbot.
onsequences *
A young man with a long neck and a hat with a plaited cord instead of a ribbon round it met another chap on an S bus. The young man said: “Sir, I have noticed that you have been taking a positive pleasure in stepping on my toes every time anyone gets on or off the bus.” The other chap said: “Pah! B . . . . . ks! “ and the consequence was that the young man went and sat down.
The same young man with the peculiar neck and the ridiculous hat met a pansified friend of his in the Cour de Rome. The young man said: “Hallo, how are you?” His pansified friend said: “You really ought to get the top button of your overcoat raised,” and the consequence was that a book was written and translated.
* Replacing Par devant par derrière
roper names
On the back Josephine of a full Leo, I noticed Theodulus, one day, with Charles-the-too-long, and Derby, surrounded by Plato and not by Rubens. All of a sudden Theodulus started an argument with Theodosius who was treading on Laurel and Hardy every time any Marco Polos got in or out. However, Theodulus rapidly abandoned Eris to park Fanny.
Two Huyghens later I saw Theodulus again in front of St. Lazarus in a great Cicero with Beau Brummel, who was telling him to go back to Austin Reed to get Jerry raised by a little Tom Thumb.
hyming slang *
I see a chap in the bus with a huge bushel and peck and a ridulous titfer on his loaf. He starts a bull and a cow with another chap and complains that he keeps treading on his plates with his daisy roots. Before the second chap can get his Oliver Twists at him he’s run away.
Some bird-lime later I’m taking a butcher’s out of the window of another bus and I see the same chap taking a ball o’ chalk up and down with a china who has a Martin-le-Grand on the chap’s overcoat.
* Replacing Loucherbem
ack slang *
Unway ayday aboutyay iddaymay onyay anyay essyay usbay Iyay oticednay ayay oungyay anmay ithway ayay onglay ecknay andyay ayay athay enyayircledcay ybay ayay ortsay ofyay ingstray inyayeadstay ofyay ayay ibbonray. Uddenlysay ehay artedstay anyay argumentyay ithway ishay eighbournay, ayayusingkyay imhay ofyay eadingtray onyay ishay oestay. Ehay icklyquay abandonedyay ethay iscussionday andyay entway andyay ewthray imhayelfsay onyay ayay acantvay eatsay.
Ootay ourshay aterlay Iyay awsay imhay againyay inyay ontfray ofyay ethhay aregay Aintsay-Azarelay enyayossedgray inyay onvercayationsay ithway ayay iendfray owhay asway ellingtay imhay otay educeray ethay acespay atyay ethay openingyay ofyay ishay overyayoatcay ybay ettinggay ayay ompetentcay ersonpay otay aiseray ethay optay uttonbay ofyay ethay overyayoatcay inyay estionquay.
* Replacing Javanais
ntiphrasis
Midnight. It’s raining. The buses go by nearly empty. On the bonnet of an AI near the Bastille, an old man whose head is sunk in his shoulders and who isn’t wearing a hat thanks a lady sitting a long way away from him because she is stroking his hands. Then he goes to stand on the knees of a man who is still sitting down.
Two hours earlier, behind the gare de Lyon, this old man was stopping up his ears so as not to hear a tramp who was refusing to say that he should slightly lower the bottom button of his underpants.
og latin
Sol erat in regionem zenithi et ralor atmospheri magnissima. Senatus populusque parisiensis sudebant. Omnibi passebant rompleti. In uno ex supradirtis omnibibus qui S denominationem portebat. hominem quasi jungum. rum rollo multo elongato et rum hatto by rordo plaitato rerrlato vidi. Iste junior insultauit alterum hominem qui proximus erat: trodat, inquit, pedes meos post deliberationem animae tuae. Junr sedem librum vidente. rururrit ad it.
Sol duas horas in roelo habebat desrended. Sanrti Lazari stationem ferreamuiam passente by. jungum supradirtum rum altero ejusdem farinae qui arbiter elegantiarum erat et qui apropo uno ex buttonis rapae j
unioris ronsilium donebat vidi.
ore or less
Won date bout mid Dane the plait former finesse boss, I naughtiest aitch up with a nod neck and a nodder rat—a bitterest ring a row and it. All over sodden he star tedder Cree eight bee cause us odd was trading honest toast on purpose. But then nurse eat bee came they can’t, Andy rushed often RQπ ditto band on in the ark you meant.
Too ours lay terror sore him Infanta the Cars and Ladder in gage din along conifer rents Orly bout abut on.
pera English *
ACT I.The Dandy, His Neighbour, The Conductor, Chorus of Passengers.
1. Opening Chorus of Passengers. “All Hail to Phoebus,” etc.
CHORUS OF PASSENGERS:
All hail to Phoebus meridian!
Long live the S quotidian!
But see! that nullifidian
With hat of strange device!
His neck! how long and skinny!
His voice! how like a whinny!
As to a nearby Johnny
He speaks with prejudice.
2. The Dandy. “Oh hear me, Gods!” Recit.
DANDY:
Oh hear me, Gods! Gods, hear me! Why should he on my toes tread?
I start, I quake, I tremble; I sweat and I see red.
Ah! if to do it he continues—
But soft! he hears me!